I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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