apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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