Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's the barista slut.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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