you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
