I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think my tv is drunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
