Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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