would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
