she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
