I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
