Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
