My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
