I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
