The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
