Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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