Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
