I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
