good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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