Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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