i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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