ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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