Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
