Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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