Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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