Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
