That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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