i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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