he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
