and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
