the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
