There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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