So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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