Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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