At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
