You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
