i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
