be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
