So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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