somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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