My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
