So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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