There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
