First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
