the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
