Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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