Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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