the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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