Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
two words...techno handjob
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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