I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
