Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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