is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
