You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you win again, gameday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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