Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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