Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
