I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
