Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
