I cut my penus on the lid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
