Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
