We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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