i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
